What I've Learned

2003

Spring is especially welcome this year. Over the last few weeks, I've been puttering around my small yard, preparing it for summer. I have a fish pond, and as always, I'm relieved to see the goldfish made it through the cold winter. They silently clamor to be fed--following me from one end of the pond to the other as I work and give me a feeling of companionship. I long for this because my two old geriatric dogs died over the winter, but I imagine they're in the garden, too, playing as they did when they were young. The crocus have already bloomed, and the tulips are setting on buds. Dozens of daffodils will be in full bloom any day. That cheery yellow color seems especially to hold the potential of spring—that anticipated time of renewal and growth and possibility. For me, spring comes with a promise that things will be okay. And then, I turn on the news and listen to the latest strifes in the world. And I wonder, will they really?

Somehow, I have faith they will and know that being okay begins with me. I recently came across this quote, which seems so appropriate just now. "The most important trip you may take in life is meeting people halfway." I think Henry Boyle, to whom that is attributed, is exactly right. It's an echo of another idea that is especially timely: "It is better to understand than to be understood." You may recognize this as one of the habits from Stephen Covey's SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE. Too often we're so busy shouting at one another to ensure that we're heard that we don't have the foggiest notion of where another person is coming from.

As a writer, one of the techniques I learned early on was never to maintain a conflict between characters that could be solved with a simple conversation. In life, I've found the same thing to be true, as well.

I suspect that I'm not alone when I feel helpless to solve the large conflicts that make the evening news. And, I suspect that I'm not alone when I long for the parties involved to simply sit down and listen to each other, really listen with an open mind and heart.

A number of years ago one of my daughters had the good fortune to travel for a month to the (then) Soviet Union with a group of 15 other Explorer Scouts. The experience was a totally awesome one for her and the others with her. They visited St. Petersburg, Moscow, and Minsk, and in each place they stayed with host families. Without exception, they were treated with tremendous hospitality and good will. The following year, a group of kids from Minsk visited us for a month, and as parents we had the fun and the privilege of playing host. That time was equally wonderful, and it was the beginning of letter exchanges that went on for a number of years. Despite differences about how things might be accomplished, we all found that we wanted essentially the same things. A good, happy life for our children. Some degree of financial security. Work that matters. To be safe in our homes, schools, and places of work. To be surrounded by good friends and our families. In short, we were far more alike than we were different.

What I've learned ... meet that other person halfway. Is there someone you know who makes you nervous or that you dislike on sight? That's the very person to seek out, and when you do listen. Maybe (s)he'll turn out to be as awful as you imagine. Maybe (s)he'll turn out to be a friend. But, until you meet that person at least half way and until listen, you won't know.

For my friends, who often expect a garden metaphor. People are like plants. Cultivate them, care for them, water them as needed, expose them to the right amount of sunshine—in short, take good care of them. And they will bloom.

Here's to fields of blooms in your life.

Sharon

What I've Learned... Archive

Spring 2006
Spring 2004
Spring 2003
Spring 2002
Spring 2001